Posted by: Dawud Israel | January 17, 2010

Oh Dawud, Have you no Fear of God?

At times I move between normalcy and anxiety, which can become severe brought upon these fears that grip me.

Three fears have stayed with me the longest. Wherever I stand, I remember Allah’s verse, “Kulla man alayha fa’an- And everything upon it will be obliterated” and lament that wherever I am, it will vanish and to not grow attached to this world. I then fear, that everything I am seeing before me, my family, friends are not actually occurring as permanently as I once thought they were- rather they are fast disappearing into the continuous march of the akhira towards me, so that everything I see through my eyes, I see no differently than I would recall a memory- every moment is nothing more than a flashback. And the third fear that shakes me, is I fear God’s verses on the Heaven’s and the Earth- that when I pray the Earth will crack open beneath me and swallow me or the sky will tear and strike me with its howling wind or bolts of lightning or blasting shouts from angels in the sky.

And all this fear (khawf) is very real to me because of the level of certitude in Allah (yaqeen) I have at times and at times I don’t. If the disbelievers were to see Heaven and returned to Earth, they would disbelieve again, favoring this world even though they know Heaven to be greater and that is the power of certitude (yaqeen). And I search to have a permanent yaqeen so my fear of Allah (khawf) is greater. Sufyan at-Thawri would urinate blood out of fear of Allah. Hasan al-Basri would stop eating for some days. And not uncommon in those days was fainting out of fear of Allah. What little do I have in comparison and how the people fear the deprivation in the dunya in such a degree similar to how our pious predecessors feared Allah. Today they are in panic over nothing (i.e. dunya)- how much more should they panic over everything (i.e. the akhira)?

Subhana kallahumma wa bihamdika ash-haduana la illaha illa ant astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk, ameen.

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